Respect
Most if not all Japanese are very understanding of a foreigner (gaijin or gaikokujin) not conforming instantly to their culture; indeed, the Japanese like to boast (with debatable credibility) that their language and culture are among the most difficult to understand in the world, so they are generally quite happy to assist you if you appear to be struggling. However, there are few simple things to be aware of to show respect in Japan, many of which boil down to social norms of strict cleanliness and avoiding intruding on others (迷惑 meiwaku).
Things to do:
- Learn a little of the language, and try to use it. They will be complimentary if you try, and there is no reason to be embarrassed. They realize that Japanese is very difficult for foreigners and won't scoff at your mistakes; on the contrary, they'll like you for it.
- Bowing. Men bow with their hands to their sides. Women bow with their hands together in front. Women's hands look like they are settled in their lap when bowing, not in a prayer position. The exact degree of the bow depends on your position in society relative to the receiver of the bow and on the occasion, the largely unwritten rules are complex but foreigners are not expected to understand them immediately and a "token bow" is fine. Many Japanese will, in fact, gladly offer a handshake instead!
- When handing something to someone, especially a business card, it's considered polite to present it holding it with both hands.
- When drinking sake or beer in a group, it's considered polite not to fill your own glass, but to allow someone else to do it. Typically, glasses are refilled well before they are empty. To be especially polite, hold up your own glass with both hands while one of your companions fills it.
- Gift-giving is very common in Japan. You, as a guest, may find yourself inundated with gifts and dinners. Please be aware, though, that among Japanese, such generosity is implicitly expected to be returned in the future. Foreign guests are, of course, outside of this sometimes burdensome system of give-and-take (kashi-kari) but it would be a nice gesture to offer a gift or souvenir (omiyage), including one unique to or representative of your country. A gift that is "consumable" is advisable due to the smaller size of Japanese homes. Items such as soap, candies, liquor, stationery will be well-received, as the recipient will not be expected to have it on hand on subsequent visits. "Re-gifting" is a common and accepted practice, even for items such as fruit.
- Expressing gratitude is slightly different from obligatory gift-giving. Even if you brought a gift for your Japanese host, once you return, it is a sign of good ettiquette to send a hand-written thank you card or the like - it will be much appreciated. Japanese guests always exchange photos they have taken with their hosts, so you should expect to receive some snapshots and should prepare to send yours (of you and your hosts together) back to them. Depending on their age and the nature of your relationship (business versus personal) an online exchange may suffice.
- The elderly are given special respect in Japanese society, and they are used to the privileges that come with it. Visitors waiting to board a train may be surprised to get shoved aside by a fearless obaa-san who has her eye on a seat. Note that certain seats ("silver seats") on many trains are set aside for the disabled and the elderly.
- If visiting a Shinto shrine or Buddhist temple, follow the appropriate cleansing procedure at the chōzuya (手水舎) before you enter. After filling the dippers with water, first rinse your left hand, followed by your right hand. Thereafter, cup your left hand and fill it with water, then use it to rinse your mouth. Do not touch the dipper directly with your mouth. Finally, rinse your left hand again with the water remaining in the dipper.
Things to avoid:
Japanese people understand that visitors may not be aware of the intricacies of Japanese etiquette and tend to be tolerant of blunders in this regard by foreigners. There are four serious etiquette breaches, however, which will meet with universal disapproval, even when foreigners commit them, and these should be avoided at all costs:
- Don't walk on a tatami mat wearing shoes or even slippers.
- Don't blow your nose in public, even discreetly. This is considered extremely boorish.
- Don't leave your chopsticks standing upright in a bowl of rice. This is how rice is offered to the dead.
- Don't enter a bathtub without washing up first.
Other things to watch for:
- If you are staying in a Japanese house, use the slippers as directed, use the bathroom and toilet as directed, and keep your room clean. If you are a guest in the tatami room, don't throw around all your undergarments, or bags of souvenirs (omiyage). Keep everything in order, and don't be surprised if you are given a vacuum a couple times to clean the tatami. As mentioned above, never step on tatami with shoes or slippers on. Only bare feet or socks are acceptable.
- Shoes (and feet in general) are considered very dirty by the Japanese. Avoid pointing them at anybody (eg. when sitting on the train) and try to restrain children from standing up on seats. Brushing your feet against somebody's clothing, even by accident, is very rude.
- The Japanese consider hearty hugs or back slaps rude, especially if they're coming from someone they just met.
- Point with an open hand, not a finger, and beckon people with your hand facing down, not up.
- Avoid shouting or talking loudly in public. Talking on a mobile phone on a train is considered rude. (Sending text messages, however, is considered de rigueur.)
- As in Germany, World War II is a touchy and complicated topic.
